


Don't leave me behind

by Drago



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Being Dumb, Happy Ending, Homin - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 16:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19727854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drago/pseuds/Drago
Summary: Yunho decides to give Changmin the freedom he yearns for, even if it means getting hurt.





	Don't leave me behind

Yunho always assumed he has plenty of time to confess since Changmin wasn’t going anywhere. He promised to stay in DBSK forever, and Changmin never breaks his promises. It just never occurred to Yunho that there are other people who might steal Changmin away.  
These days, they don’t see each other outside of work often. Or ever, really. Changmin is busy hanging out with his other friends, and Yunho isn’t a part of their group. They like him well enough, but Changmin made it very clear that he shouldn’t come, even if Minho invites him. Then there is Siwon, who became slightly obsessed with Changmin after they served together. Sometime, Yunho wonders if it’s some form of retaliation, since he turned down Siwon years ago, but he quickly discards the idea. Siwon is better than that, and Yunho isn’t that much of a prize anymore.  
The truth is, Yunho had his chance and blew it. Now he has to suffer the consequences.  
He used to call and message the younger man almost every day, talking about silly little things like friends usually do, but it slowly dwindled down to nothing, since Changmin never initiated anything, and Yunho doesn’t want to bother him anymore.   
No, that’s not the truth. He just doesn’t want the younger man to be even more annoyed with him.  
The rejection hurts, but Changmin seems happier than ever, and Yunho isn’t petty enough to destroy it. But when the company, yet again, suggests a solo album, he finally agrees. Not because he wants to go solo, he knows he isn’t cut out to be a soloist – not enough vocal power and almost too much personality, he needs someone to balance him out, but perhaps a break would do them good. Maybe Changmin will miss him slightly, or maybe Yunho’s emotions will quiet down.  
Changmin is indifferent when the manager tells him about the plans for Yunho’s solo, not that he expected anything else. They don’t talk about it at all.  
Yunho buys himself some whiskey and goes home to ‘celebrate’ alone. He could call his friends over, but he feels like being alone. He doesn’t want to annoy them with how melancholic he is, but he also doesn’t want to put on a happy front. He drinks for a while, staring blankly at the wall. He could put on a movie, but he wouldn’t watch it anyway. His flat looks outdated, vastly different from Changmin’s clean, modern place. Their apartments are as different as their personalities, no wonder Changmin never reciprocated his feelings. He deserves someone modern and sleek. Sophisticated. Yunho can’t give him that. He is too old to change. Two year gap might not seem like a lot, but sometimes it’s unbreachable.  
He throws himself into work, splitting his days between practice, vocal training and photoshoots, and when Changmin goes to America, Yunho doesn’t call him. Usually, he would be the first one to call, to make sure everything is fine and there is no need for intervention. But there are other people who can do that, the whole crew focused entirely on making sure the trip goes as seamlessly as possible. Yunho’s help isn’t necessary, so he leaves his phone in another room or asks his manager to keep it for him, so he doesn’t end up texting the younger man. Yunho is probably the only one hurting, he doubts Changmin, between sightseeing and filming, has the time to miss him or even think about him. It’s fine, it’s what Yunho learned to expect. 

He doesn’t even realize how tightly wound up he is until Boa points it out, asks if he is having trouble with the album. He does end up blaming it on work, not ready to tell Boa the truth. She is a good friend, but she still feels something for him, and it would be cruel to tell her that he is pining after another man. At least he knows an easy fix to his problem that his manager would absolutely hate. So Yunho doesn’t tell him either.   
He asks Hojun to pick out clothes for him, because he is more self-aware than people think, puts on sunglasses even though it’s already ten in the evening, and goes out. Hooking up is a bit of a hassle when everyone knows your face, but every idol has his tricks, and so does Yunho. There is only one place he truly trusts, with security so tight it’s impossible for anything to leak. People there usually recognize the idols, but they know to keep their mouths shut, especially if they want to come back to the club.   
The owner is Yunho’s friend, so he skips the line and heads straight to the bar. He needs liquid courage, he always does when he has to scratch the itch. He knows the bartender from his previous visits, so they chat for a bit while Yunho scans the crowd, looking for the right guy. He doesn’t even pretend he isn’t looking for someone who at least slightly resembles Changmin. It’s the closest he will ever get to being intimate with the younger man, and there is no one here to judge him. They just think he likes exceptionally tall and slim men with big eyes and crooked smiles. There is always something off about his partners, their lips too plump, hands too big. But there is only one Changmin, so Yunho closes his eyes, and tries not too think about it.  
He finds the person he is looking for at the end of the bar, dressed from head to toe in designer clothes and drinking beer. He doesn’t look quite right, but he is already staring at Yunho interested, and that’s good enough for him. There is hardly any small talk before the stranger, Hyungmin, invites him over. They make out in the cab while their driver pretends not to see anything, and Yunho rewards him with a hefty tip.  
He makes a mistake that could cost him dearly – doesn’t check the surroundings, too busy sucking on Hyungmin’s tongue. Their clothes fly off the second they cross the threshold. Hyungmin’s cock is too small between his lips. He never had Changmin in his mouth, but he’s seen him naked and hard because accidents happen and being on stage gives you a thrill like nothing else. But it’s a good enough cock, and he is not going to complain.  
Yunho comes embarrassingly fast, but Hyungmin kisses his shame away. He does better during the second round, rides the other man into the bed to make up for the weak start.  
He tries to sneak out in the morning. He doesn’t have anywhere to be just yet, but he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome, he knows the rules. Hyungmin doesn’t, he pulls Yunho back, strong arms holding him in place. Yunho decides that he can stay for a bit longer.  
He leaves in the morning, but not before they have breakfast, exchange numbers and Hyungmin tries to suck his brain through his dick. It’s enough of an incentive for Yunho to meet with him again. And again.  
It’s almost like they are dating, except they never leave Hyungmin’s flat. But they watch movies and eat together, so it still should count as dating. It doesn’t mean Yunho stops thinking about Changmin. He’s been thinking about the younger man for over a decade, and there is no force that could stop that. But at least thoughts about Changmin get pushed to the back of his mind while he is occupied with pleasure, and he stops counting days to his friend’s return.

***

Changmin stares at his phone, and his anxiety grows with every passing minute. He’s been in the US for almost an hour now, but Yunho is yet to message him. Usually, there would be a message already waiting for him the second he switches the plane mode off. That’s what Yunho does. What he has always done to some extent, even when they weren’t that close yet.  
Changmin doesn’t need looking after. In fact, he is probably more self-sufficient than Yunho since he can feed himself without burning the kitchen down. So he might not _need_ it, but he misses the attention. He noticed that something is different even before he left Korea, but he didn’t worry about it back then, putting it down to Yunho being busy with work. Perhaps he’s done something to offend his friend. He doesn’t remember treating Yunho poorly, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Sometimes, Changmin goes too far without realizing it. Yunho usually takes it without complaining, like a good hyung, but maybe he’s finally had enough of Changmin’s snarky humor.  
Yunho is the last person Changmin would ever want to offend.  
He could reach out to the other man, but he’d rather know the gist of the problem beforehand, so he can deal with it accordingly. Knowing Yunho, he’ll try to laugh it off. It used to suit Changmin just fine when he was younger, but now that he is older he wants to fix things instead of pretending that nothing happened. And something _must have happened_ for Yunho to ignore him like that.  
Instead of enjoying his time in America, Changmin worries. As excited he is for all the new things he is going to see and the food he is going to eat, he keeps thinking about Yunho. He knows that the other man is alive and well, both from the official and private Instagram posts. Now, Yunho isn’t allowed to have a private Instagram account, because no one trusts him to actually keep it private and not embarrass DBSK and SM Entertainment as a whole. If he wants to see what their friends post, he needs to be supervised by someone – usually Changmin or Hojun. But their mutual friends post loads of pictures with Yunho, because everyone loves Yunho. Changmin isn’t jealous, he just wishes his friend would be more exclusive with his affection.  
He ends up calling Boa, who is far more terrifying than Yunho, but also knows everything there is to know about SM employees.  
Talking to her turns out to be about as painful as pulling teeth, specially when she says, “You’d know if you talked to him and not me, Changmin.” He can see her smirk all across the ocean.  
“That’s a lie, and you know it. Hyung would never told me if I hurt him.”  
“Ah, ah, ah. Perhaps it’s time for some soul-searching,” with that, Boa hangs up on him, and Changmin feels like he knows even less than before, so he goes drinking with the crew. He will take a hangover-induced headache over the heartache anytime.  
Three days later, the company he is collaborating with e-mails him that they’re going to start selling his merchandise soon. It’s both a relief and a source of distress. A relief, because he has a legitimate reason to call Yunho without looking like a clingy child. A source of distress, because Yunho’s album is coming out soon, and Changmin doesn’t want to compete with the other man in any way. He tried pushing the date, but the company didn’t want to hear about it.  
His hands shake as he dials the phone, and he can’t tell whether it’s from excitement or anxiety. He forgot to check the time in Korea, but Yunho always answers his calls, no matter the hour.  
He is right, Yunho sounds slightly out of breath, but he picks up after two rings. He must be practicing, ever the perfectionist, and Changmin’s heart swells with affection.  
“Hyung...”  
“Changminnie? Is everything okay? Are you hurt?”  
“What? No, why would I be?”  
“You only ever call me when you’re in trouble...”  
Changmin wants to deny it, but he can’t remember the last time he called Yunho. Usually, he doesn’t have to worry about it since the older man showers him with affection.  
“Everything is fine, I’m enjoying myself, the food is amazing. I’m calling to tell you that my merch is going on sale soon.”  
“Oh. I will make sure to buy it then!” Yunho cheerfully says, and Changmin smiles into the phone like an idiot.  
“That’s not why I’m calling, I can get you a t-shirt for free. I just… I want to apologize.”  
“What for?”  
“I didn’t want to interfere with your solo debut,” he quickly blurts out. “I want you to do well, I really do, but the company insisted, and I couldn’t change the date. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”  
“Changmin, baby, there is nothing to forgive. I’m sure our fans will support both of us. Don’t worry about it.”  
Changmin wants to grovel some more, but his brain is too stuck on Yunho calling him _baby_. He is quiet for too long, long enough for the other man to realize what he said.  
“I… I have to go now. don’t worry about anything, we’re good. B...bye.”  
“Hyu...” Yunho hangs up on him before he can finish, and Changmin can’t think of even one thing to text him. He can’t exactly admit that he doesn’t mind being called a ‘baby’ by Yunho. It just doesn’t align with the way he wants to be perceived.

“I think Yunho is hooking up with someone,” Kyuhyun casually says over the video call, but he is staring at Changmin like a hawk ready to pounce. “Today, he had a bruise that looked a lot like a hickey.”  
“Bullshit,” Changmin immediately blurts out. “We have a… thing. He wouldn’t.”  
“You are dating, and you haven’t told me?”  
“Well… no. But we have a thing, and he knows it.”  
“Is that why you haven’t fucked anyone in two years?”  
“I guess.”  
Kyuhyun wolf-whistles, but he still manages to look slightly unconvinced, “Man, I’m pretty sure it was a hickey, so maybe you should talk to him to make sure you’re on the same page.”  
Changmin snorts, but deep down he knows it’s going to bother him until he comes back home. He still has a week left, but he is very close to booking an earlier flight. But he is not on holidays and there are people who depend on him to act like a mature man. And he is mature most of the time, but sometimes Yunho drives him crazy.  
He wants to call the older man again, but he has no reason to. The last thing he wants is to ask about Yunho’s supposed partner over a phone, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to stop himself from blurting it out. Instead of contacting his friend, he stalks Instagram and keeps track on pre-orders for Yunho’s album on every platform he can think of. Things seem to be going really well, better than SM predicted, and Changmin’s chest swells with pride ever time he sees the numbers go up. His own merch is selling equally well, but it doesn’t give him quite the rush as seeing Yunho succeed does.  
He doesn’t call, but he dreams about his other half every night, which makes getting up in the morning quite a hardship.  
There is a lot to keep him busy, many places to see, foods to try. Someone suggests clubbing, and Changmin doesn’t want to be a spoilsport, so he puts on the best shirt he packed and sips on a beer while everyone else is dancing and looking for someone to hook up with. He can tell that people are interested in him, not because they recognize him, but because he is handsome. He isn’t cocky, he just knows his worth. Still, he avoids making eye contact with anyone. He isn’t interested, even if Yunho is having sex with someone else.  
He is going to fix it once he gets back. They have to talk, properly, because whatever is happening right now – with Yunho ignoring him, is not how Changmin imagined their life to be. He is going to come back home, cook Yunho a proper meal, since the older man clearly isn’t eating enough, and then they’re going to discuss it like men.  
When they finally land in Seoul, Changmin decides on a whim to immediately go to Yunho’s flat rather than his own. It’s almost eight in the evening, so he will whip out some quick dinner and maybe they’ll have wine to make the conversation flow smoother. He leaves his bags with his grumbling manager and takes a cab to Yunho’s place. He’s never been there before, they already spend so much time together that they need some time alone every now and then, but he knows the access codes. It’s supposed to be for emergency only, but he doesn’t think twice when after one and a half hour he is finally in front of Yunho’s building. He punches in the code, slightly jittery and excited. It lasts until he is inside. The apartment is dark, but he hears a low noise coming from the bedroom. He doesn’t think much about it, simply assumes the older man is watching a movie, but when he opens the door he immediately wishes he didn’t. Yunho isn’t watching a movie. He is getting fucked by a man Changmin has never seen before. They seem to be enjoying themselves, and all he wants to do is pull the stranger off Yunho and beat him into a pulp, which is the exact opposite of what he should do. Instead, he clears his throat, and makes eye contact with the unknown man when he turns his head to look at him. He ignores Yunho’s shocked gasp, not ready to look at his friend.  
“Out,” he growls. “Get out!”   
The man sizes him up, probably trying to decide whether he can take Changmin down or not. Changmin doesn’t budge, and the man finally gives him a slow nod.   
Changmin leaves the room to give them some privacy, he doesn’t want to see anyone’s dick at the moment. He is in shock, even though Kyuhyun warned him. He just didn’t want to believe his friend, and now he has to suffer the consequences.  
He heads to the kitchen and is surprised to find enough ingredients for a decent meal. Maybe the other guy brought them, but he is not going to eat any of that.   
Changmin is vigorously whisking the egg to tune out anything he doesn’t need, or want, to hear, when the front door opens and then clicks shut. There is a long pause before Yunho joins him in the kitchen, thankfully properly dressed, no hickey in sight. He watches Changmin aggressively chop the onions, and the silence is almost suffocating. Usually, they don’t need have lengthy conversations unless something is bothering them. After so many years together, they need very few words to understand each other. But it doesn’t feel right now, not when Changmin is obviously upset.   
“Should I set the table?” Yunho finally asks softly.  
“No. Sit down.”  
Changmin puts a slightly bigger portion on Yunho’s plate, even though he is the one who usually eats more. The older man is even slimmer in real life, and Changmin doesn’t like it. He is always the first one to scold his friend if he puts on too much weight, but it’s because he wants Yunho _healthy_ , not emaciated. There is nothing left of Yunho’s strong thighs.  
If he sets down the plates with too much force then the older man doesn’t comment on it. They eat in silence. The food seems bland to Changmin, but he knows Yunho isn’t going to complain. It’s still better than whatever the older man can come up with on his own.  
“Is that why you stopped messaging me? Because you’re busy with your new boyfriend?” Changmin finally snaps, patience running thin and irritation growing.  
“You know that’s not it. I decided to finally give you the space you always wanted. I know I can be too much and you’d rather hang out with your real friends, so I finally manned up and kept to myself. My… fling has nothing to do with it,” Yunho mumbles into his food, refusing to look up.  
“My ‘real’ friends? Since when are you not my real friend?”  
“Kyuhyun, Minho… even Siwon. You don’t have to pretend, Changmin, I know you think of me as nothing more than a co-worker. You tolerate me, but that’s it,” even from this angle he can see Yunho’s bitter smile, and he can’t understand how the other man could read him so terribly, horrendously wrong.   
For the first time in eight years Changmin wishes he could be gentler, but it’s not in his nature, at least not when he is dealing with men. He cares for Yunho more than he is willing to admit, but he doesn’t know how to verbalize it. He always thought he doesn’t have to do that for his partner to understand him, that his actions spoke louder than words.  
“Don’t be silly, you’re my friend, you’re… mine.”  
Yunho finally looks up, confusion written all over his face. “What is that supposed to mean? You always choose other people over me. You never call. What kind of friendship is that? This is the first time you’re in my flat. Really, Changmin, I don’t need pity. It’s fine, we can work together without being friends.”  
“No, we can’t if you’re going to fuck men behind my back.”  
Changmin is desperately trying to remember the last time he reached out to the older man, but he draws a blank. He doesn’t count their last phone call, since by then he finally realized that something is wrong with their relationship.  
“It’s not going to change anything. I met Hyungmin at Kim’s club, he is not going to tell anyone about us, don’t worry about it.”  
“I don’t care about the press. You can’t just… Look, you are right, I rarely call you first, but that’s because I never had to. For years, you were always the one to reach out first, so I learned to expect that.”  
“Really? You’re thirty two, Changmin. It never occurred to you that I also need some attention? Or… validation of our friendship? I know that you admire me on a professional level, you made that very clear, but our private relationship always felt very one-sided, except for random scraps of affection you’d throw me every now and then. But that’s fine, you can do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Maybe with Hyungmin, maybe with someone else.”  
Yunho is smiling at him reassuringly, as if that’s what Changmin wants. As if that’s something he would ever want. it’s almost offensive how wrong he is.  
“No, that’s not acceptable. I already told you – you are mine.”  
“What is that supposed to mean, Changminnie… Changmin? I’m not a toy, you can’t just refuse to share me because you are used to getting things your way. What does it leave me with? You will have your friends, your lovers, but what am I allowed to have?”  
“Me! You are allowed to have me, I’m the only one who can pleasure you,” he blurts out angrily. One of the chopsticks rolls of the table when he abruptly stands up and moves closer to the other man. “I haven’t been with anyone in two years. I thought you were waiting for the right moment to confess, I know how important romance is to you. But apparently you were screwing guys behind my back the whole time.”  
“What are you trying to say?”  
“Seriously? What I’m saying is that I care about you. More than that. I’ve been in love with you for years, and I suspect you feel the same about me.”  
Changmin thought Yunho would be surprised, but happy. He definitely didn’t think the older man would scoff at him, disbelief in his eyes.  
“You expect me to believe that? Come off it, I’m the last person you’d choose, you made that very clear with your behavior.”   
“Oh really?” things are escalating quickly, and Changmin finds himself shouting, one hand making its way to Yunho’s shoulder to shake him. “So me staying just for you doesn’t mean shit? Me tas...”  
He suddenly stops, realizing that they won’t get anywhere if they continue fighting. Few years back Changmin would’ve argued his case until his throat was parched and eyes were brimming with tears of frustration. Now he takes a deep breath, relaxes his grip on Yunho’s shoulder and starts again.  
“We’re not doing that. We’re not going to argue about it. I love you, and that’s a fact, you can’t argue my feelings. If you tell me that you don’t feel the same, then fine, I will leave. But don’t try to tell me what I feel.”  
Yunho looks stunned, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Changmin wants to kiss the confusion away, but he gives the older man some space to think. He leans against the counter, trying to avoid looking at the clock.   
Not even ten minutes later, although it feels like an eternity, Yunho finally says, “I do. I love you. God, I lost all hope, and now you… To think we could have...”  
“Don’t think about it. It doesn’t matter. We were together the whole time, we just haven’t officially _been together_. We will make up for it.”  
“But it means you’ll have to spend even more time with me, can you do that?”  
“Of course, you silly old man. Can we just agree that we both fucked up and move on?”  
“Yeah...”  
“But you have to break it off with that… guy. I don’t want to see him ever again.”  
“He was just a replacement,” Yunho shyly admits, and Changmin can’t stop himself anymore, he swoops down to kiss his friend. The kiss lasts only a few seconds, but it’s electrifying in a way no other kiss has ever been.  
“He does look a bit like me, but not as handsome.”  
“Aish, you,” Yunho snorts, but he pulls Changmin closer for another, deeper kiss.   
“I want to fuck you so bad,” he murmurs against Yunho’s lips, nipping at them lightly, “eat you out until you cry for me. But I can’t yet, not after this guy. Go take a shower, and I’ll change the sheets.”  
“No sex?” the other man whines.  
“Not today. Tomorrow. But get ready for some heavy frottage, my dick is so hard for you...”  
“How romantic,” Yunho sniggers, finally pulling away. Changmin slaps his ass when he passes by to get to the bathroom. Soon enough it will be his.  
He changes the sheets trying not to breathe too much. By the time Yunho is done with his shower, the bedroom looks squeaky clean with no traces of Hyungmin left. Changmin also takes a quick shower to wash the flight and exhaustion off his skin. He looks around the bathroom, spotting various bottles and jars. He helps himself to some under eye cream and notes that he should tease the older man about it later.  
When he comes back to the bedroom, Yunho is lounging on the bed in his underwear, long legs and tight abs on display. Changmin has never wanted another person this much in his life, and it takes all of his willpower not to ravish Yunho just yet.  
He does it six hours later, when the sky is still completely dark, but it still counts as a new day.

_***_

When the plane lands in Thailand, Changmin immediately pulls out his phone to text Yunho, ignoring the announcements. Then he changes his mind and quickly takes a cute selfie, cringing on the inside. But he knows Yunho is going to like it better, so he sends it anyway, ignoring his manager’s snickering. He is whipped, and he isn’t going to hide it anymore. There is no shame in being in love.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really happy about how it turned out, but it is what it is. I hope you enjoyed it at least a bit.


End file.
